Go Me and My Big Heart

If you know me, you know that though I may be a little harsh and slightly aggressive at times, I have a huge heart and will give anyone the shirt off my back if needed. So when my ex-husband contacted me the other day complaining that BAC would not fax him a copy of the loan assumption document (document stating I bought him out of the mortgage) and he really needed it to close on the house he was going to purchase (for some reason the BAC loan still shows up on his credit report) this here big hearted super hero jumped into action and got on the phone with BAC. I had to call 4 times but I finally got them to fax the f-ing letter to him. Go me and my big heart. This was the same guy that was unwilling to buy me out of the mortgage. The same guy who wouldn't take a single pet off of my hands. Yep that guy. I dropped everything at work to help him. So shame on anyone who thinks I don't have a heart. If anything my heart is too big for my own good.
I tend to put people on a pedestal. If I like you as a person, watch out. I expect great things from you. I expect you to reciprocate my unconditional friendship at any cost. If this doesn't happen I feel hurt, betrayed... almost like someone ran over my puppy. My roommate tells me that this is in fact my biggest personality flaw. I tend to give too much and people take advantage of me. Ha ha... can you even imagine your biggest flaw being your love of people? Now I know, you are thinking, "I know for a fact that you do not love people." This is true. I generally despise people. I think that they are mostly selfish, greedy, narcissistic evil doers. That being said, on the rare occasion that I let someone into my life, I tend to set the bar a little too high for them. I forget that people are people. Everyone is looking out for numero uno. I understand this. I do it myself. I'm not even sure that if I met me and became my friend that I would be happy with the outcome.
I am really trying to get away from this, but it is so damn hard. I like to have faith in people. I like to think that my friends are going to be my friends no matter what. I like to think that I could hold myself up to that sort of standard. Maybe I can. Probably not.

As an update to this, why shouldn't I expect the best from people? Is there really anything that terrible about it? Sure it causes me more heartache in the long run, but it also helps me surround myself with people who are worth it. It helps me weed out those that aren't worth my time and energy. I guess in the end, putting people on a pedestal really isn't that bad. It will get me what I want one day.

XoXo,

Me