Avoiding "That Guy"

I woke up this morning feeling inspired. It is amazing what a good night’s sleep will do for you. I think I am ready to get back on that horse and start dating again. Many people can attest to the fact I have not had good luck in the dating area. I’m not sure if it has been because I just wasn’t ready to get serious about anything or anyone, perhaps I have been having too much fun, or if my taste in men is seriously that bad that I am just afraid that I will choose a major douchebag to fall for again.
A guy in my office and I were talking about my uncanny ability to find the douchebags no matter where I went. He told me that I was just like his girlfriend at the time. He once asked her exactly where she keeps her douche magnet. I told him I like to keep mine in my back pocket. What’s really sad about the whole douche magnet situation is the fact that even if I meet that nice guy who wants to spend time with me, be nice to me, buy me dinner and I meet a douchebag at the same time, I will choose the douchebag over the nice guy. Thus confirming the saying “Nice guys finish last.” I think this is a pattern in my life. I am trying to break this bad habit of mine because really, am I happy second guessing, feeling miserable and crying all the time? No. I think I do it because it is familiar to me.
So I have come up with some rules for myself to follow when meeting new men and forming a possible new relationship. Here are my top 10:

1. If his opening line is a backhanded compliment, he’s a douchebag. (i.e. Your hair looks great for being short, or you are pretty for a 30 year old)
2. If he says he will call you tomorrow and then calls you 4 days later, he’s a douchebag.
3. If most of his friends are women, he’s a douchebag. (I understand this one seems a little odd, but I have found out through experience that this is pretty damn accurate.)
4. If he flaunts how much money he has, he’s a douchebag.
5. If he doesn’t at least attempt to open a door for you, he’s a douchebag.
6. No “bless you” when you sneeze, douchebag (It’s common courtesy, has nothing to do with God. I mean you can even leave the God out of the phrase.)
7. If he never offers to pay for your drink, douchebag.
8. If he won’t tell you exactly what he does for a living, he’s a douchebag (or maybe an assassin which would be pretty great, but even they have fake jobs, this guy probably doesn’t have a job at all.)
9. If he normally goes for blonde chicks (and tells you that), douchebag.
10. If he is between the ages of 21 and 30, there is a big chance that he is just going to be a douchebag. (not that 21 is even within my age range. I just added it on there. 6 years up and 6 years down, that’s my age range.)

There is no Denise, only Zuul...

My cousin and I have this little game we play. When we are feeling depressed, or sick, or our Aunt Flow is in town for the monthly visit we like to "check out" and leave the real world for a little while. During these periods of time we do not accept phone calls, and if we do, be prepared to hear about it. You are lucky if we respond to text messages or even emails. In fact we have a system that if it gets too bad, the only response we ask for from each other is a single letter. Generally this letter is "F". We would prefer it if we didn't have to have any human contact whatsoever. It would make life so much easier. Thus, the use of the phrase, "There is no Denise, only Zuul..." It is a disclaimer along the lines of the "BEWARE OF DOG" sign. It is a warning. I am telling you that you can stick your hand through the fence but understand that you might pull your arm back to reveal nothing but a bloody stump.

What's My Motivation?

I found that recently I have become somewhat lackadaisical when it comes to life. I try to get to work on time every day. It just seems that every day it becomes harder and harder to get out of bed. I attempt to clean my house at least once a week, but there is such great programming on the History Channel. I mean to open my mail, or at least look at it on a daily basis...Eh, but what's my motivation?
I must say though, I am happier now than I was just a little over a month ago. In fact I am almost back to December happy, and I was very happy in December. That's what I've been trying to achieve for the past month and a half. So I guess I haven't been totally uninspired, just mostly.
I am starting to think my problem in life right now is I am not being challenged so I have become bored. I would more than likely benefit from some sort of hobby (I do realize that chasing cute boys is not considered a hobby...why not? I like to consider it sport). The only problem with a hobby is I am sort of good at many things but I don't excel at any one thing in particular. Or the hobbies that are out there to choose from just seem boring to me. How does one choose a hobby? Do you just wake up one morning and think, "today I will start scrap-booking"? I mean, I wouldn't have this blog right now if someone hadn't suggested that it is how I should waste... I mean spend my extra time. Is blogging considered a hobby? Can I get away with talking incessantly about myself and write it off as a hobby?
Even so, what's my motivation? Why should I sit here and type things? I guess in the end I could possibly gain some inner peace by getting some of my thoughts out of my mind to share with others. My mind can be a scary place and I don't normally like to go there alone. Maybe I will eventually have a few blog followers.

I have been wanting to build a home compost bin... or something like that... I just need to find the motivation to do it.

The Rebound

You wake up one morning to find that your significant other, the love of your life is no longer there. You had been with them for a long time. What are you going to do? You are going to go through your mourning period. You are going to be sad, you are going to get angry, you will feel lonely, then you will go out and get some. Perhaps you slut it up a bit. Sleep with this person, sleep with that person, avoiding any sort of relationship whatsoever. Then along comes a person that piques your interest. You end up spending a significant amount of time with this person. You do couple like things together. It ends up going on for a month or two or even more. This my friend, is your rebound person. This is one significant step in your heart's recovery process. Just remember this is your rebound person. You have fun with your rebound person. You have sex with your rebound person. You develop some feelings for your rebound person. YOU DO NOT MARRY YOUR REBOUND PERSON!
Now you are probably thinking, "Why don't you marry your rebound person? Why does your rebound person have to be someone that you actually develop feelings for? Why can't it be that first random you had sex with a few times for a couple of weeks?" Well I am about to answer those questions and give you a few pointers regarding the whole rebound situation.

1. YOU DO NOT MARRY YOUR REBOUND PERSON

This one is easy. You may feel like this new person that you find interesting and enjoy spending time with could very well be the next ONE but you are mistaken. Chances are you picked a person that you are compatible with on quite a few levels but they have that one thing about them that you just can't get past. I don't like the way she laughs, he's too short, she's just not smart enough, he chews with his mouth open... the list goes on and on. This is your out. This is the reason this is your rebound person. Rebound is to get you into the next serious relationship. (S)He is not the next ONE.

2. KEEP YOUR REBOUND PERSON SEPARATE FROM YOUR WORK LIFE/FAMILY LIFE

Now of course there are exceptions to this rule. Examples of exceptions:
a) you have children...
b) you live with your parents...
c) your cousin is getting married and you don't want to be alone at the wedding...
Never ever bring your rebound to work functions because people will ask about him/her all the time ruining any chance of you getting out of having to tell the story of how it just didn't work out for the two of you. Believe me this is important. Remember when you lost that significant other? Remember how you had to explain it to everyone at work? Welcome back.

3. AVOID DISCUSSIONS ABOUT YOUR FUTURE TOGETHER

Never have any conversations that involve places to live, what your wedding will be like, how many kids you want or what their names will be. This is misleading and it just isn't fair to anyone. Total douche move.

4. KNOW WHEN TO CUT AND RUN

Do not keep your rebound around just because you are afraid to be alone. This is not the correct way to deal with the situation. You knew this arrangement would not last. Sure you may have convinced yourself that this is the next ONE, but if you really step back and assess the situation you will see that there is that underlying something that is just keeping you from committing completely. When it gets old, or boring, when you don't want to spend so much time with that person anymore, when their mere presence annoys you, it is time to end it and find that extra special someone that really is the next ONE.

I also want to touch on how to avoid being someone's rebound person. When you meet someone that you think you might want to get to know better, find out all of the facts before committing. Take my friend for example. He met someone that he thought was the bees knees. They were together for 8 months. They lived together and there was even some talk of their future together. She had been engaged before. She broke off the engagement and moved into the neighborhood. She messed around with a guy for a week or so before hooking up with my friend. Unfortunately for him, he was the rebound guy. He didn't understand how and swore up and down that he wasn't. I had to explain to him that unfortunately he was. The signs were there. He was the big relationship after the relationship with the ONE failed. The guy she messed around with first does not count. She was just slutting it up a bit. She did break every rule when it came to the rebound relationship. I could speculate further but I really don't need to. To avoid this kind of heartache ask these important questions:

When was your last serious relationship?
How long was your last serious relationship?
Did you date anyone for a short period of time after that?

Sure these questions may seem a little forward, but I believe most people will be willing to answer them as long as they don't carry some heavy baggage around with them. Trust me, you'll be happier in the end if you get all of the facts.

On that note...

My last serious relationship ended approximately 2 years ago.
We were together for 8 years. 4 years living together and 4 years married.
Yes I did date someone for about 3 months since the end of that serious relationship. Turns out I didn't like him very much after all.
No my baggage isn't too heavy.
Hi my name is D (SuperAwesome).
Are you interested?