I've Been Crying

So, over the last year and a half, I have managed to put on 20 pounds. I am currently depressed about this. I mean, very very depressed. It seems no matter how much I try to watch what I eat... Let me put it another way. I constantly feel like I am starving. Not just hungry, but starving. I feel like if I don't eat I will die. I have always had issues with my weight, but nothing so severe as this. I don't know if it is because of my age. I don't know if there is something medically wrong with me, but something has got to give, and fast.
I have been trying to do more exercise, and maybe I have been trying to push myself too hard to fast. Maybe that is my current problem.
Oh, I also quit smoking. It has been... 2 weeks? Maybe 3... I haven't really been keeping track. That won't help me counter the weight gain, or the extreme depression that seems to be coming with it. I have to do something about this. I can't go on being so downright sad. I'm sure it will eventually put a strain on my relationship with my wonderful boyfriend. I don't want that to happen.

I Finally Use My Twitter Account...

@dsuperawesome... what else would it be?

Blog Post from My Phone...

I look like a zombie in this picture. I wish I didn't because I actually like this pic :(

Oh My God, I Finally Get a Whole Weekend Off and I Still Have to Get Up Early on Saturday!!

This will be the first weekend that I will actually be able to not go to work at all. No Saturday, no Sunday, and not because I am sick, but because we are finally getting caught up on all of our work. Yay!! Just in time for the start of fucking busy season where I will more than likely have to work either every Saturday or every other Saturday... I understand that it is OT for me, but it pisses me off. I feel like I have no energy to do anything at all. I dream about my job. I work in my sleep. It really isn't fun. Not at all.
So, this weekend, I don't have to go in. I do have an appointment to get my hair done on Saturday though. So, once again, no fun on Friday night. Well, perhaps I will actually have the energy to do something around the house after my appointment. Be productive and domestic when I get home. I guess that is a pretty good thing. Who am I kidding? I will more than likely come home after getting mah her did and just loaf around watching a marathon of something stupid (ancient aliens anyone) on TV. Maybe I'll do my taxes... ha ha ha... I just can't get away from it. I think I need to find a different career path. Perhaps something that doesn't have anything to do with numbers...

Next post, blogging from my phone. This should be interesting...

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving/I Drank Way Too Much Coffee this Evening

Well, tomorrow is Thanksgiving, a day I look forward to all year long. This Thanksgiving has me a little on edge, or perhaps it is all of the coffee I had this evening... Tomorrow I will expose my favorite to my crazy family. Though there are not many of them on this side, they are all very... eh... unique. As my cousin Erika put it, "Everything should be fine as long as he can keep up with the rest of the fools." Ha ha ha... very well put. I'm exceedingly nervous about this. I don't know why... He should be able to hold his own... Erika promised she would run interference for me if things get to out of hand. She is very excited to meet him. She wants to shake the hand of the guy that made the Grinch's heart grow three sizes. Now if only someone could fix the crazy...

I got a lot of cleaning done tonight. Organized my shoes, cleaned the kitchen, did some laundry. Nothing like tons of fun (and multiple cups of very strong coffee) on the biggest drinking night of the year... along with every other night if you know the people I do. They are all out having fun and I am sitting here blogging. Lame or smart? You decide.

Seriously, I will be lucky if I actually get to sleep before 2am. Can coffee give you a heart attack, because I think I am having one...

I Cannot Even Believe I Waited Soooo Long...

I put off buying a smartphone, convinced that one day I would own an iPhone... and then this came along... the Samsung Fascinate and I immediately fell in love. I saw it on TV and I had to check it out. I looked it up online and I had to see more of it. I went to Verizon, I touched it, and I was hooked. I had to have it. I have everything I need right at my fingertips at all times. She is a beautiful thing. Isn't technology fantastic?

About a Spider

"You mean you eat flies?" gasped Wilbur
"Certainly. Flies, bugs, grasshoppers, choice beetles, moths, butterflies, tasty cockroaches, gnats, midgets, daddy-long-legs, centipedes, mosquitoes, crickets - anything that is careless enough to get caught in my web. I have to live, don't I?"
"Why, yes, of course," said Wilbur. "Do they taste good"
"Delicious. Of course, I don't really eat them. I drink them - drink their blood. I love blood."

As everyone already knows, I have quite a fear of spiders (see Super Spider Caper). I think they are eight legged, creepy, crawly biting beasts with nothing on their minds but attacking me. Falling on my head in the basement, making the stairwell from my basement out to my backyard practically impassible. However, what many people don't know is I also respect the spider and I am quite fascinated by them... mostly when they are outside and not bothering me. This brings me to my story.

One night, about a month or so ago, I was letting Dukelbear outside for his before bed potty break. I looked over to my right and I turned pale as a ghost, developed goosebumps all over my body, squealed and quickly ran in to the house, making sure to securely close the storm door behind me. There, sitting in the middle a magnificent web that was easily twice the size of my head, was a spider that was about as big as a silver dollar. This was my natural reaction to a spider. Here is where my insane logic about spiders kicks in. This spider is rather large. It is in a web that spans from my back awning to the planters on the rail of my "deck" (for lack of a better term. It's more like a stoop made of wood with planters built into the rail.). Therefore this spider clearly had the advantage if it came down to a battle. I am so skiddish when it comes to spiders that it is hard for me to even try to kill them with shoes, brooms or anything of the sort. It always turns into a disaster with the spider somehow almost ending up on my person. Not that I would have tried to kill this spider. I have a rule when it comes to spiders. If they are outside, eating mosquitos and various other pesky bugs, they may live. If they are crawling around in my house, they must die lest they attack me in my sleep. This rule stands true. So this spider, living in the back of my house, outside, putting her web up at dusk and taking it down at dawn, was permitted to live. In fact, I sort of started to enjoy watching her catch wrap bugs up in her web. Biting them and getting them ready for a tasty meal later. It is almost a childlike curiosity to me. I can't stand them, but I love to watch them work. Suddenly I found myself almost looking forward to seeing this giant, scary, spider at night and first thing in the morning when I let Duke out. I even named her. I called her Charlotte. I decided that she was a she because of her size. Female spiders tend to be larger (know your enemy). I know that Charlotte seems rather cliche for a name but I looked at it this way, Charlotte had to have been the only spider in my whole life that I actually liked. I enjoyed reading Charlotte's Web as a youngster. I was sad when Charlotte died in that book.
One night, a little over a week ago, I came home from, well, God only knows. I went to the back door to let Mr. McDukerson out and I looked to my right... and saw nothing but a mangled web. It looked like something very large flew through Charlotte's web. I felt disappointed. I was taken aback by the fact that I was actually a little bit sad about the disappearance of this spider. I thought about it for a minute and figured she was probably just hiding up on the awning, waiting to rebuild her web. Days went by. There was still no sign of Charlotte. I started talking about it with my roommate (who thinks I am insane for even developing such an odd bond to something that scares the bejesus out of me) and then my boyfriend (he made fun of me for calling her Charlotte). I finally came to terms with the fact that I will never again come home from the bar and drunkenly wave at the giant spider sitting in her web. There will never again be a time when I say, "Hi Charlotte" or tell her how much she sucks at being a giant spider (I never saw any big bugs in her web, and trust me, she was a big spider).

This evening, after the thunderstorm, I called for Duke to let him out because it had finished raining (he won't go out in the rain) and I was getting ready for bed. I opened the back door, and who do I see hanging from the awning in a wet spider ball (moving, not dead and shriveled)? Charlotte!! There also seemed to be a male suitor lurking around. Either that or my back porch becomes spider central when it rains. Oh this is good news (not the spider central part)! I could not believe my eyes. Charlotte lives after all! I told my roommate first thing when I let Duke back inside. Once again he looked at me as if I had a purchased a one way ticket on the crazy train. Perhaps I have. Me, actually liking a spider... preposterous, ridiculous, ludicrous!
Perhaps I am crazy...
Maybe she will rebuild her web tomorrow. If she does I'll post some pictures to go along with this blog post.
Dear lord, with all of this spider talk, I'll never get any sleep tonight.